Barbe! Help me please!
Your show is an avenue for the prostitute in me
You want to see my private parts?
Or see the girl that broke my heart?
She's drilling me just to make your day
But I don't care 'cause I like to pay

Is schlager in or schlager out?
Do you care what it's all about?
Or are you bored beyond belief
'cause your home, sick and need relief?

I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I opened up my cloak to fill your inner needs
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
You iron one more shirt and watch commercial dirt
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I fill the empty spaces in your boring life

Is this the future on T.V.?
You watch as I exploit me here
My friend, it's public larceny
Kick back while I get my feet
My world is open for the mass
You suckers now can kiss my ass
The pay-check's coming in the mail
The money's good - but the themes are stale

I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I opened up my cloak to fill your inner needs
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
You iron one more shirt and watch commercial dirt
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I fill the empty spaces in your boring life

Meiser! Help me please!
Your show is an avenue for the prostitute in me

I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I opened up my cloak to fill your inner needs
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
You iron one more shirt and watch commercial dirt
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I fill the empty spaces in your boring life