[Lyrics: Christopher Bowes, Music: Christopher Bowes]

My friends I stand before you
To tell a truth most dire
There lurks a traitor in our midst
Who hath invoked the captain's ire

He don't deserve no mercy
We ought to shoot him with a gun
But I am not an evil man
So first let's have a little fun

We'll tie that scoundrel to a rope
And throw him overboard
Drag him underneath the ship
A terrifying deadly trip

Keelhaul that filthy landlubber
Send him down to the depths below
Make that bastard walk the plank
With a bottle of rum and a yo ho ho

I will not say what he has done
His sins are far too grave to tell
It's not my place to judge a man
But for them he will burn in hell

The sharks will dine upon his flesh
And Davy Jones will have his soul
Take his money and his hat
He won't need them where he's gonna go

But first lets tie him to a rope
And throw him overboard
Drag him underneath the ship
A terrifying deadly trip

Keelhaul that filthy landlubber
Send him down to the depths below
Make that bastard walk the plank
With a bottle of rum and a yo ho ho