[Chorus:]
Women, natures punching bag
[x4]

You didnt get me a beer
You were one minute late with dinner
You bought the wrong kind of beer
You wanted a career

[Pre-chorus:]
[Chorus]
You forgot to cash my unemployment check
Youre having your period
You want to visit your mother
You want to have another kid
[Pre-chorus]
[Chorus]18. I Snuck A Retard In To A Sperm BankYou fucking dyke
You didnt want to get touched by a man
You wanted to be a strong single mother
So you ordered a sensitive, gay poets sperm
[Chorus:]
I snuck a retard into a sperm bank
[x4]
Instead of a bright poet offspring
Youre stuck with a drooling retard
You went broke paying for special care
Your girlfriend left you for another woman
[Chorus]19. Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck
[Chorus:]
Eric Clapton sucks, Eric Clapton sucks
Eric Claptons gay, and hes fucking gay
Your father is the 4th worst singer
After Springsteen, Seger, and Petty
You were sick of his gay fucking songs
So you jumped out a really high up window
Your father sucks so fucking bad
You knew youd get beaten up at school
You were sick of hearing You Look Wonderful Tonight
So you jumped out a really high up window
I almost wish you didnt die
Because I hate the song Tears In Heaven
I was glad you died until I heard that song
And Kevin Sharp is gay20. I Ate Your HorseYour dad took out a second mortgage to buy you a horse
You loved and took better care of it than yourself
You combed it, cleaned it, and fed it apples everyday
I was broke, drunk, and hungry, so I killed your horse and ate it
[Chorus:]
I ate your horse
[x4]
When you came to the stable the next morning
You found a pile of hair, teeth, and hooves
I hid around the back to listen to you cry
Then I beat an old lady to death with the leg bone
[Chorus]21. Hitler Was A Sensitive Man
[Chorus:]
Hitler was a sensitive man
[x4]
He went to art school when he was younger
He wanted to be a painter
Hitler was a vegetarian
He was also a non-smoker
[Chorus]
He hired gay and handicapped officers
He was concerned about overpopulation
If Hitler were alive today
Hed listen to The Cure, The Smiths, and Depeche Mode
[Chorus]22. You Robbed A Sperm Bank Because You're A Cum Guzzling FagYou couldnt pick up a guy at the gay bar
Male prostitutes wouldnt take your money
You jerked off 8 times and ran out of your own
So you broke into a sperm bank, you cum guzzling fag
[Chorus 1:]
Youre fucking gay, youre fucking gay
I only wrote this song to piss people off who are gay
[x2]
When you broke in, Rod Stewart had already beaten you there
Luckily you were both good friends
You both sat around and drank 10 gallons of sperm
While listening to Los Crudos and watching Marilyn Manson videos
[Chorus 2:]
Youre fucking gay, youre fucking gay
If you dont like these lyrics, dont buy our records you fag
[x2]23. I Made Your Kid Get AIDS, So You Could Watch It DieA few years ago, I snuck Freddy Mercury into your sons room
I gave him anesthesia so hed never remember getting raped
You spent your life savings putting your kid through college
Then he died of AIDS, so you wasted your money for nothing
[Chorus:]
I made your kid get AIDS, so you could watch it die
I made your kid get AIDS, so I could watch you cry
You thought your son was on a diet, so you didnt worry too much
At the funeral, I told you what happened and laughed at you
I didnt think that you suffered enough
So I shot your wife in front of you
[Chorus]
Braces, summer camp, college, you wasted all your money
Food, clothing, trips to Disney World, you wasted all your money
Birthdays, Christmas, the tooth fairy, you wasted all your money
Lunch money, field trips, toys, you wasted all your money24. I Fucked Your WifeYour wife was so fucking bored with you
I was in Boston for a court date and she fucked me
I threw an ashtray through a Chinese restaurants window
I met her at an Upsidedown Cross show
[Chorus:]
I fucked your wife
I fucked your wife I bent her over
I fucked your wife
I fucked your wife your marriage is over
Larry Lifeless was buying her drinks
I told her how I used to be a crack head
Next thing I knew, she was jerking me off
Youre jealous because your band went nowhere
[Chorus]25. Into The OvenFirst you lived on a farm
Then you got your head cut off
Then I bought you in a grocery store
Pretty soon youll be on my plate
[Chorus:]
Into the oven
[x3]
Im gonna eat you for Thanksgiving
Im not a faggot vegetarian
I dont care if the Indians lost their land
I think its really funny that they did
I like eating lots of food on Thanksgiving
[Chorus]26. I Gave Nambla Pictures Of You KidI followed Artimus Pyle after a Lynyrd Skynyrd show
He ended up at a NAMBLA meeting
I knocked at the door and Artimus Pyle answered
I gave him pictures of your kid because I hate him
[Chorus:]
I gave NAMBLA pictures of your kid, Artimus Pyle, Artimus Pyle, Artimus, Artimus, Artimus Pyle, Artimus Pyle, Artimus Pyle, Artimus, Artimus, Artimus Pyle
The next day there was a line at your door
Artimus Pyle was going back for seconds
Your kid had a lock of Artimus beard in his ass
Your kid made Artimus Saturday night special
[Chorus]
Lynyrd Skynyrd used to be your favorite band
Until Artimus had your kids dick in his hand27. The Only Reason Men Talk To You Is Because They Want To Get Laid, You Stupid Fucking CuntYou think you have a lot of male friends you dont
You think guys care when they ask for your opinion they dont
You think your best friends boyfriend doesnt want to fuck you he does
You thought the bartender was being nice to you when he gave you a free drink he wasnt
Your neighbor helped you move he just wants to fuck you
Your boss bought you lunch he just wants to fuck you
A guy bought you a drink he just wants to fuck you
He asked you to go out for coffee he just wants to fuck you
You think youre one of the guys
You think youre all good friends
Youre eventually going to get raped
You stupid fucking cunt
You stupid cunt
[x6]
Youre a stupid fucking cunt
You stupid cunt
[x6]
Youre a stupid fucking cunt28. I Made Fun Of You Because Your Kid Just DiedI was at the hospital laughing at cripples
Then I heard your kid just died
Suddenly, that was funnier than the cripples
So I tracked you down and made fun of you
[Chorus:]
Your kid died, and you cried
And I thought it was funny
[x2]
It was an open casket wake
I spilled my beer in your kids coffin
Your mascara ran because you were crying
So I kicked your husband in the balls
[Chorus]29. Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really FunnyYou caught your wife fucking the mailman
You threw her down a flight of stairs
Your son came home with 4 Ds and an F
You kicked him in the balls and in the face
If I was a cop, called to your house
Id congratulate you for beating your spouse
Id shake your hand for beating your son
If he was my kid, Id take out my gun
[Chorus:]
Domestic violence is really, really, really funny
[x4]
Your teenage daughter came home pregnant for the 3rd or 4th time
You put on your boots and kicked her in the stomach
Then you caught your wife sucking the mailmans dick
So you threw her down the stairs again
If I was a cop, called to your house
Id offer to shoot your no-good spouse
If I had to deal with your teenage slut
Id gladly kick her in the gut
[Chorus]30. Dictators Are CoolPol Pot killed a million of his people
Idi Amin ate that many for dinner
Papa Doc, his son was even cooler
Ross the Boss was in Manowar
[Chorus:]
Dictators are cool
[x2]
Mussolini got pissed on by his people
Hitler had a Charlie Chaplin mustache
Dick Manitoba grabbed my girlfriends tits
Mark Mendoza was in Twisted Sister
[Chorus]31. Deadbeat Dads Are CoolWhy waste your money on that fucking brat?
You didnt even want to have it anyways
She was too stupid to get an abortion
So she should be stuck paying the bills
[Chorus:]
Deadbeat dads are fucking cool
[x4]
Dont give that stupid cunt a cent
Dont pay that fucking brats rent
Dont pay money for it to eat
If youre cool, youll be a deadbeat
[Chorus]32. I'm Really Excited About The Upcoming David Buskin ConcertI bought a bus ticket to the log cabin
Im gonna start a pit during the first song
Im gonna request Papa You Were A Sailor
Im gonna bring 3 lighters to the show
I was really psyched to see Morbid Angel
I was really psyched to see Upsidedown Cross
I was really psyched to see Al Stewart
But not as much as
[Chorus:]
David Buskin, David Buskin, David Buskin is coming to my town
He was much better with Batteau
But hes still heaver than Six Feet Under
Im gonna drink 5 cases of beer before the show
And smoke tons of pot, crack, and dust
I was really psyched to see Judas Priest
I was really psyched to see Black Sabbath
I was really psyched to see Phranc
But not as much as
[Chorus]33. Being Ignorant Is AwesomeI like to laugh at retards
I like to laugh at cripples
I like to make fun of gays
I like to beat women
I like assuming black people stole something
I like assuming Jews jerk off to photos of banks
I like assuming Chinese people cant drive
I like assuming women are dumb cunts
[Chorus:]
I like being ignorant
[x4]
[Repeat second verse]
[Chorus]
I dont want to read the paper
I dont want to read the news
I dont want to know whats going on
I just want to keep hating you34. You're Pregnant, So I Kicked You In The StomachI thought you were a fat chick
Then I realized you were pregnant
I thought it would be funny if your baby died
So I kicked you in the stomach
[Chorus:]
I kicked you, your babys dead
[x3]
Ha ha ha, your babys dead
There were no stairs to throw you down
There was no roof to throw you off
There were no coat hangers around
So I kicked you in the stomach
[Chorus]35. Chris Barnes Is A PussyYou hid on your bus
You were afraid of us
You wouldnt fight me 'cause youre gay
You had your roadies save the day
[Chorus:]
Chris Barnes is a faggot youre fucking gay
Chris Barnes is a faggot youre a fucking faggot
Chris Barnes is a faggot your breath smells like cum
Chris Barnes is a faggot you like dicks up your ass
Youre a fucking midget, so you can blow guys without kneeling
You and Allen West met at a gay bar and wanted to start a band
You got kicked out of Cannibal Corpse because you suck
You started Six Feet Under and they suck too
[Chorus]
Ill fight you anytime you fag
But youll have your roadies fight for you
If youre so brutal, why wont you fight me by yourself?
You fucking cum guzzling faggot homo pussy36. Tim Is GayTim is really really gay
Tim is gay
Hes fucking really fucking gay
Tim is gay
Tim is really really gay
Tim is gay
Hes fucking really fucking gay
Tim Morse, you are gay!
Tim is gay
Tim is gay
Tim is gay
Tim, youre such a queer
Tim is gay
Tim is gay
Tim is gay
Tim, youre gay!
Tim is gay!
Tim, please face it, youre gay!
Tim is really really gay (YOURE GAY!)
Tim is really really gay (YOU FAG!)
Tim is really really gay (YOURE QUEER!)
Tim is fucking really gay (FUCK YOU!)
Tim, youre a fucking faggot
I hope you fucking die37. B.T./A.C.
[No lyrics, just Seth making fun of Kevin Sharps vocals]38. I Sold Your Dog To A Chinese RestaurantI was on my way to turn in illegal aliens to the INS
And your stupid fucking dog was barking at me
It sounded like a singer from a gay death metal band
I wanted to kick it in the fucking face
[Chorus:]
I sold your dog to a Chinese restaurant
[x4]
After I beat the fucking shit out of it
I wanted to throw it through your fucking window
But I needed money to buy some more whiskey
So I sold it to a Chinese restaurant
[Chorus]
Your family ordered a pu pu platter
You didnt know what you were eating
It was your fucking gay faithful dog
While you were at the restaurant I lit your house on fire39. I Got An Office Job For The Sole Purpose Of Sexually Harassing WomenId like to work here without being harassed
If you work with me, prepare to get harassed
When youre standing at the copier, Ill pinch your ass
I dont care if youre ugly, dont care if youre old
Youre still a woman and I want to make your life miserable
[Chorus 1:]
Im gonna make you quit, Im gonna make you quit, Im gonna make you quit because youre a woman
[x2]
Im gonna spread rumors that youre easy
Im gonna threaten to rape you on your email
Im gonna leave a dildo on your desk
So everyone can see it you stupid cunt
[Chorus 2:]
Im gonna make you quit
[x3] because youre a woman
Im gonna make you quit
[x3] you fucking cunt
Im gonna make you quit
[x3] you fucking bitch
Im gonna make you quit
[x3] you stupid cunt
Leave me alone!Seth Putnam Vocals
Josh Martin Guitar
Nate Linehan Drums
Backing vocals by Choke (from Slapshot) on tracks 1-3, 5, 7-9, 13, 16, 18, 19, 21-24, 26-29, 31, 34 and 36.
Backing vocals by the Anal Cunt Gestapo (Seth Putnam, Josh Martin, Nate Linehan, Allison Dunn, Paul Kraynak, and Yasuhiro Koketsu) on tracks 5, 21, 35 and 36.
Backing vocals by Nate Linehan on track 39.
Intro and Outro on track 39 by Helen Papavizas.
Extra vocals on track 36 by Bill T. Miller.
Thanks to chriswayor@hotmail.com for correcting track #13 lyrics.
Thanks to spikeass@hotmail.com for correcting these lyrics.